Own Those Feelings Sister!

   Full Disclosure: I do not get offended easily. That is not a brag because the way I manage this is not (probably) mentally or spiritually healthy. I read a book, "The Peacegiver" and basically, the premise is this: The Savior already atoned for all wrongs, real or imagined and thus, I need not seek "more" payment from others. If you have read the book, you know I messed that up real bad, but that is what I got out of it.
So, if we are close, I figure I know your heart and you wouldn't do or say something mean on purpose. And if we are not close, I don't care what you say or do. Unless you hurt my kids, then I am all up in your biz. It is like a whacked out circle of trust from "Meet the Parents" but it serves me well here in Idaho. These are not my people, so it has been difficult moving here.
   Anyway, recently someone did in fact, hurt my feelings. It was someone I  considered a friend and what they did was pretty much on purpose with a half-hearted apology after. I prayed and prayed not to be sad or mad. Heavenly Father always changes my heart when I humble myself enough to ask Him. It was not working this time. I just couldn't understand. I asked, I pleaded, I tried to bury and ignore my feelings. Finally, late at night, this warm feeling washed over me and the thought came, "It is OK to be sad". Just like that. Someone hurt my feelings. I was sad. That was fine. I wasn't angry. I had peace. I didn't think about it anymore.
   Fast forward a few weeks. 2 different friends came to me with their stories of hurt feelings. They were so careful not to make the offender out to be a bad guy. They strained with words like, "It's OK. I'm over it. It's no big deal". Yes it is! Own those feelings! Why to we do that? Why do I  do that? As LDS women I see a trend of denying the very real feelings we have. Burying them. Not talking about them, then maybe talking too much. Maybe we don't want to appear less Christ-like than we hope we are?
  Obviously, I know things should be handled "between me and thee" and we shouldn't go around bad-mouthing people. That is not the course of action I am talking about. I am talking about being honest..with ourselves, each other and the Lord.
   Church here for me is like a cruise ship. It is big and there is always something going on. But we don't notice who gets on and who gets off...and to be honest, those in First Class don't pay much attention to us in steerage. Wah wah. That was a killer analogy. My old ward was like a sail boat. You knew everyone and we stuck together like one big, crazy family. People here have their friends and they are not much interested in making new ones. I get invited to group things and I am called on to do favors...but I am not "in" if you know what I mean. And truth be told, I am not an inviter. When I got my feelings hurt, my first thought was, "What am I not enough?" And then I wracked my brain with thoughts like....skinny, cute, rich, pretty, funny, young, interesting, and the list would not stop.
   My solution has been to withdraw and make my Circle of Trust tight. That is certainly not what I am supposed to do. But owning my feelings and writing them down is the first step. So to my offended friends I say..."Own those feelings!" I am going to try. I hope you will, too!